#i will at some point tho. go back. dont know when. it will have to be a time of great change and importance
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horror is so BLESSED he's the only one out of the murder time trio that has actual good people trying to influence his story 💔💔 dust and killer were both driven to INSANITY because of the choices of their respective humans but horror??? every time without FAIL the polls for horrortale's plotline have always ended in a good place for aliza (either by bettering her relationships/reputation or for her to just. not DIE)
horrortale's potential alternate timelines my beLOVEd🙏🙏 they're SO lucky that we're being kind and benevolent hehe (≧ω≦) now where are the aus based off the possible different outcomes that could've happened in horrortale HUH???? (like how aliza couldve killed toriel or chosen horror's puzzle or gone with undyne to the core........)
#something something all three of them have their fates determined by an outside force#ermmmm but horror doesn't- yeah he does. what aliza does decides EVERYTHING for horror and horrortale#just because its not direct like dust or killer doesn't mean theyre all subject to the same community x3#PARALLELS MTT PARALLELS FOR THE 500TH TIME THEY HAVE SOOOO MANY PARALLELS OHHH MY GOOOOOODDDDDD#mtt going to visit horrortale would just be dust eying aliza (out of paranoia. he knows shes a good kid)#and then killer knowing in his head that the poor kid aliza that horror weirdly seems to like doesn't have control over her actions#she doesn't know horror doesn't know nobody knows except killer. is that a bit sad?#theyre all living in the dark unaware of the reality of their world. i mean thats how its meant to be after all thats what the players want#but....... it would be tempting to tell horror...... hehehehehe- and then he's interrupted by horror and dust#(theyre trying to get killer to eat papyrus's spaghetti in their place. he's the only one that can stomach it even though there's no human)#mtt i love thee SOOOOO much. theyre back in horrortale for the holidays ✨✨ coming back to visit the family ✨✨ WHAT horror's visiting.......#not dust or killer of course. this isnt their world noooope thats not papyrus. but that doesn't stop dust from having everyone like him#its just like the good old days :333 except now there's three sanses and triple the insanity :333 almost like nothing's changed!!!!!#oh killer??? yeah he's there. probably won't try taking up the sansish type of role horror and dust do but he'll find a way to get used 2 i#after all the point of this is whatever he wants it to be now ;33333 were these tags all just a reference to my mtt fic. yes. yes they were#LMAOOOO i forgot that aliza didn't fall into horrortale yet in my fic. still a fun thing to imagine tho!!!#i think it would be fun having aliza be the first of humans for horrortale to deal with that they won't instantly kill#itll be hard but really rewarding for all of them........ especially horror i believe!!! man he didnt even go through therapy but#just being away from horrortale and out doing new and FUN and NOT MURDEROUS things has done wonders for him :3#i need to get to writing smh..... winter break is the day after tomorrow (TECHNICALLY AT 2:32 PM SINCE THSYS WHEN SCHOOL ENDS SO HAHAHA)#so ill probably work on it more over break since i'll have nothing to do hehe.......#today was an amazing day for me ✨ TWO mtt angst death related hcs..... some work on my latest chapter i've yet to post..... SWAPINVERSE FAN#ARE YOU KIDDING ME MORR SWAPINVERSE ART THIS IS SOOOO AMAZING THABK YOU UNTITLED29876011111 I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY YOU DO THIS!!!!!#tricule rant#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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omw to play emotional support for my mom disguised as ✨fun family bonding time✨ for the rest of the week <3333 there's something so deeply wrong with me uwu teehee
#and i still havent texted my friend back even tho she texted me a week ago and i told her ill text her back this week when i have the time#and i DO have the time. im just fucked in the head and the prospect of having a conversation with another person where i again#have to pretend im not at the very brink of a serious mental and emotional breakdown. is making me lose my fucking mind#ik she's having a bad time rn and she needs the reassurance and jesus fucking christ i tried i had two long conversations with her#that were allllll about her. only her. not a single word about me. that's fine. this is what people need in such moments right#to just get patted on the head and hugged and told their suffering is real and what happened to them is unfair and just made to feel#that for a moment they're the centre of attention and it is all about them. this is normal. this is why therapy exists.#so i try to give this to her but it is fucking draining. and i NEVER get the same treatment back. like she caught me crying at uni last week#and like yes she'll say some nice things but she'll always find a way to turn the conversation back on the topic of ✨her✨#like we started talking about my therapy and i finally got to actually say a word or two about what im dealing with. but then she goes#'yeah im just trying to figure out what's wrong with me when i listen to you haha like i could never cut myself cause it looks ugly.#ofc it doesnt look ugly on you haha but i could never lol'#like thanks haha good to know ill just shut up then and steer the conversation back onto you why dont i. i mean its not like#i spent over an hour a few days back sitting with you and listening to your talk about your childhood and validating you and not saying#a word a single fucking word about myself even tho i was also going through it myself but who cares right. and now im the bad guy again#because im not texting back.#i feel like im finally fucking snapping cause at this point im properly fucking angry. IM having a bad time too. IM going through it too.#I have bad coping skills and had a fucked up childhood and traumas in my life TOO and im allowed to just not be able to handle it#i really wanna break something lol maybe therapy's working after all lmao#oh also this is why i dont eat breakfast. i do it once and then feel guilty and suicidal lol normal behaviour#pojebie mnie zaraz przysięgam na boga mam dość kurwa BASTA
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Thinking abt Sif Odile duo looping au again and I wanna be able to plot everything out more coherently but act 5 eternally looms overhead and boy I do not wanna look up
#rat rambles#stars posting#like I have a vague idea of some of the like themes I imagine being present late game but it doesnt change the fact that act 5 isnt very#duo looper au friendly especially in this case with most of the ideas I have#I rly want it to be both a breaking point for them as individuals and a breaking point for their relationship but idk how to go about that#fully taking the rest of the party into account especially since Im not even sure if I wanna give odile her own friendquests#like I Could but I also think it'd be fun for many reasons to not#and even if I Did itd be hard to justify having both be able to happen and go wrong in one loop#and theres not rly a good solution to that I think so my best bet is probably to just leave odile friendquestless#but Id rly like to still have odile quarrel with the rest of the party in a significant way#idk maybe it can be the scene where sif comes back to the lighthouse or smth?#like he comes back and odile just completely lashes out at him or smth and the others get rly upset with her#but then theres also the whole walk through the house that I have to figure out and Im also not set on how that should go#maybe it can be like reality almost splitting as they both try to use timecraft at the same time?#not sure how Id go about portraying that in story though since the rest of the party cant rly experience that I think#Im sure theres some way you could pull that off tho Im just too tired to have any good ideas atm#and then the biggest bastard comes in. mal moments.#like I cant just put them both there! that's not how that works!#and I dont wanna just leave them mostly vanilla thats boringgggg#but Id probably have to. alas.#afterwards is also a bit fuzzy but I have rhe general idea down#me and the bestie when we both made the same wish but dont know that and have both been falling into a spiral over it#(we dont even realize that the part of the wish that was the exact same was the core of the wish)#(we both just thought that we accidentally trapped the other with us in this hell)#(we also have been actively getting worse at communicating for months now so by the time the wishcraft stuff came up we were both deep in#the no feelings talky talk zone)#(we probably should have known smth was up when everyone started consistently thinking that we had a fight every loop)#(maybe we did but we just didnt want to admit they were right)#god I wish I was more confident with writing odile dialogue I wanna draw scenes from this au so bad#it doesnt help that I got too comfortable being into a media that had like 3 fans and now ppl might actually look at what I create
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#every once in a while ill go back after cleaning up music on my phone and relisten to old rock songs then redownload them#but im thinking. how the fuck did 3/4 of my immediate family listen to disturbed. just one song but huh#actually maybe 2.. also trapt? who the hell is that anyway we all just know headstrong 😭#i redownload and delete and redownload it all the time LMAO#skilet and three days grace and OH breaking benjamin we all listened to a lot too#and i say 3/4 bc i dont know what the fuck my dad likes? pit..bull..? lmfao..? thai music?? im so confused#FALL OUT BOY ALWAYS HITS#also that fucking. roach last resort shit. my brother still has it in his spotify playlist and it always makes me laugh so fucking hard#anyway i do rmr skillet and breaking benjamin being big bc we all liked it. also how did we all like disturbed but now none of them listen#to rock sob sob#also i used to share three days grace and fucking hollywood undead to my younger cousin??? what was wrong w me for sharing HU...#HE DOESNT REMEMBER IT THO?? its really funny LMAO#also evanescence but i found more songs on my own and ofc we together only kinda had uhh 2 songs#NUMB ENCORE.. I TOTALLY FORGET ABT IT AND IT BLOWS MY MIND EVERYTIME IT RESURFACES IN MY HEAD HOLY SHIT#BANGER but anyw my point was uhh smn smn sharing music is great and im happy we all bonded over rock before lol#44597#IDK I FORGOT HALF WAY IN 😭 GO ROCK!! im redownloading some of the shit i dont have again LMAO#OUGH ALSO NOBODY CARES BUT ME AND MY COUSIN R SO 06 ALL HAIL SHADOW PILLED#THAT WHEN MY BROTHER PLAYED THE OG ALL HAIL SHADOW I KID U NOT I WAS LIKE IS THAT A COVER WHAT VERS IS THIS#SORRY IM SO CRUSH40 PILLED I LITERALLY PLAYED SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG ON THE PS2 AND ON AN EMULATOR?? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT#/LH BC ITS STILL GOOD BUT THAT IS NOT MY JAM. 06 IS WHERE ITS AT#crush40 was so good for sonic songs though esp all hail shadow and ungravitify OUGH crush40 versions r like almost always my fav#wait with movie and year of shadow ppl r going back n commenting all over this old yt upload of all of me from 11 years ago LMAOOO#dude they have to give knuckles kickass rap songs again PLEASE unknown from M.E makes me laugh so hard BUT ITS NOT BAD#AND PUMPKIN HILL ok that wasnt tehcnically his but it literally TALKS ABT KNUCKLES. ITS LITERALLY ABT HIM BRO#that ones funny to me bc my cousin loved it sm and he was legit like trying to hear the lyrics but he couldnntt#a ghost tried to approach me AND GOT MARRIED??? 🤨🤨 i cant take this song seriously ASLKDJS#CHECK YES JULIET.. JUST REALIZED MY BESTIES USED TO LIKE SOFT ROCK WITH ME?? they dont listen to that at all anymore omg
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Find someone slightly annoying but in really small harmless ways so I decide none of the behaviours are worth bringing up with them → realizing: hey, Im also annoying! solidarity! → realizing we have a lot in common and starting to bond → finding out other people find this person annoying and are vocal about it behind their back → finding out this person has ADHD like me that's (at least one reason) why we have all these traits in common → fear.
#trying to be as vague as possible even tho this is someone I know offline and no one involved follows me online#on one level I get it that relying someone who is forgetful and does things slower/differently than you can be frustrating#but like its a medical condition. and u dont need to know someones medical info to have some empathy instead of assuming malice/incompetence#i just found out they have adhd today but day one i was able to go 'wow i did not like the way they handled that but i dont think they were#being hurtful/careless we just handle this task differently. rhey didnt do anything wrong and i can let this go and adjust my expectations'#not to say im perfect and never ableist towards others. my first reaction to seeing traits i dislike in myself (from my disabilities)#in others is often to get annoyed and needing to adjust my thinking#i get annoyed with myself when I cant focus / cant be coherent or concise / cant finish tasks quickly etc#→ get annoyed sometimes when I see others doing that → realize thats not fair to them → realize thats not fair to myself#→ assume good intentions and find ways to communicate/collaborate better with them → get along better and maybe make a new friend!#sorry i am rambling#idk its scary seeing someone being disliked for adhd symptoms/traits that im mostly doing a good job of managing/hiding in this#social environment so far and knowing that could happen to me in the future#but im also like ready to have this persons back#me 🤝 them: prioritizing the wrong tasks and overexplaining things and struglging to get our points across#and not noticing when we talk too loud and forgetting tasks halfway thru etc#not to be that guy but : without love it canmot be seen!!!!#lifes so much better if u just assume ppl arent doing things a certain way to be annoying + let go of / adapt to the thing that are annoying#but not harmful#thats not exactly what without love it cant be seen means but thats one of the ways i apply it in life#just like dont assume malice. assume u dont have all the info. approach ppl/situations with empathy.#or youll make yourself more miserable needlessly#again like only for shit that's not harmful obv#i need to shut up and go to bed
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sometimes you will find a very cool activity and then you will find a group that does the said activity near you and then youre hit with the horrifying realization that you will not be welcome in that group ever. on account of you being a woman. and sometimes (if youre lucky) the group will be nice and they will try to welcome you but its still weird and uncomfortable and obvious that it does not come naturally to them and its just? im just a normal average person. why are you seeing me as something else?? WHAT are you even seeing me as? and its annoying that this happens at all but its also annoying that when you try to word it you sound insane. and also men never think of this as something that happens so they try to give you bullshit advice like oh just get yourselves out there. ? idk
#when i first started going to the hema club i got asked OH DID YOU SEE OUR PHOTOSHOOT WITH ALL OUR FEMALE MEMBERS? IS THAT WHY YOU CAME?#and back then they had like 3 women in the group (at some point i was the only woman left)#i dont know if i would have gone if i knew i would be the only woman#its just that im dumb and didnt think it would be a male dominated space. for some reason#sorry dude im used to real life where there are both women and men#like stupid of me. in hindsight#tfw being dumb makes you braver#this posts not really about the hema club tho
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i remember the first time ever i listened to SO i was like pfft rap? get out. (i was cringe) and then when i gave it a listen again a few months later i was a changed person... so i binge listened to their entire discography immediately and was genuinely shocked because how could ALL of their songs be bangers, like i couldn't believe it was possible it was surreal........ i wish i could turn back time (lol) to experience that pure shock again
#and the funny thing is i was in denial abt liking them for some time#i couldnt afford a new hyperfixation in that specific year#and i remember thinking to myself 'lol their music might be good but they're probably ugly its okay i wont like them'#(I WAS A TEENAGER SORRY FOR MY MENTALITY)#so i searched them up on pinterest and guess what i saw. the blurryface photoshoot#i kind of glitched and realized i was fucked#but i still tried to deny it and avoided looking at their pictures for days#but i eventually gave in and looked up videos and interviews and random facts about them#i was like SO stressed out abt this like i would get in trouble if someone found out i like them ahjdkdl#mind u in my country hardly anyone knows who they are#i made peace tho and then i fully embraced becoming a clikkie#technically im a hiatus clikkie#and one of the biggest concerns in my life then was the question of 'ARE THEY RETIRING WHY ARE THEY GONE'#idk looking back its so funny#this was in 2017#OH and one more thing#i was born and raised a christian and still was at that point (now i am not)#and all my life my mom would heavily censor stuff that would come across as 'devilish' or even mildly offensive to the christian religion#yknow even harry potter#so i had this irrational fear/anxiety abt stuff like that wired in my brain as well#so when i saw the hds live vid on youtube (the official one with a ton of views)#i got sincerely worried they might be some kind of devil worshippers or something 💀#them having a song called heathens did NOT help#off i went to google their religion and... the relief i felt when i found out they were christian lol#btw my mom did freak out over heathens when she found out 💀💀#i wont go into detail but she did give me trauma when she learned about the dema storyline too............#i still dont play lore videos when she's in the room 🥲🥲 thats why im lowkey jealous of clikkies with clikkie parents#okay story times over lol#tøp#nemotakeit
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this will either end in like happily ever after marriage or the worst soul crushing devastating heartbreak of my entire life and I'm not prepared
#barks#when is anyone ever prepared for that tho#if we ended things now it might mitigate Some pain#but id always wonder what if and probably even go back to him in the future to see if we did have something#if we go for it and it ends later#i will literally be so crushed#and i cant let him know that bc thats what hes afraid of#hurting me#there is so much i am not telling him bc i dont want to scare him away#this can rly only go 1 of 2 ways#either we will die together or break up at some point#thats how relationships work#and idk how great our odds are#given the state of the world#given our backgrounds#i want to try :(#but that means accepting the soul crushing devastating heartbreak as a potential future#sorry future me#i gotta go for it
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Was about to go “Hm I should make proper family headcanons for my PMD canon partners” But remembered that two of them have established history in canon already and the third is my Shinx partner who I default to “They were part of the Luxio Tribe” for. So really Chip is the only one I can just make up a family for djfjfjfng
#tbh tho explorers partner just always gave me the vibe that they are not in contact with their parents#idk why theres not exactly w ton of evidence towards that but its what ive stuck to#even when vulpix was my assigned canon partner i still put her on bad terms with her family and still gave her conflicting feelings at home#anyways. chip just lives back home with his mom and brothers#his dad is off being a famous explorer and not acknowledging that he has kids anymore. sorry chip#… why is it that despite being the youngest child that i keep giving eldest child syndrome to my characters#echoed voice#pmd posting#i dont know if ill properly design elliotts parents but obviously they were a samurott and a swoobat#dont have anything in mind for them except for maybe a postgame idea where xey meet one of them finally?#and theyve maybe improved as a person and now that their kid is an adult they want to have some kind of relationship#and elliott. gives them a chance because xey dont want to hold grudges or anything but xey don’t acknowledge them as a parent#at best they just become a shopkeeper at paradise. emolga and virizion are the ones who hold the grudge#maybe eris too but hes also just tired at that point and acknowledges that its an attempt to be better#so hes definitely more civil#psmd partner. could have had bio parents that abandoned them ig bc reincarnation but i always imagined they just spawned into existence#like already hatched and curled in the scarves#and she has carracosta so idc much abt bio parents. the important bit is that he is pops#maybe if i decide to go with a totally different team for explorers ill do something different but idk djfjfjf#im half tempted to use the new starter rom i downloaded and use sprigatito and popplio tbh djdjfjfjfjf#but i also like playing it physically on my 3ds#and idk how to put romhacks on a physicsl cartridge#physical
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YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PRICELESS IS SO GOOD RIGHT... LOVE THE ENDING FOR THAT... and very much anticipating First Penguin's... which I am DETERMINED to continued today... I feel bad for falling behind because I ended up binging a whole anime yesterday since the secondary protagonist was based on Tsutsumi and lost track of Fucking Everything 😭😭😭he is so cute though😚
OH BUT YEAH I played DQXI's demo [the first ten hours of the game or so]... yeaaahhhh... definitely that kind of game for me too... but I hope whenever you get back to it you have a good time! I may not know a thing about Metroid but I am also happy to hear it was an enjoyable experience overall :] I enjoy the tag rambles very much :]
REGARDLESS... EPIC... I HOPE YOU ENJOY SP... OR AT THE VERY LEAST I HOPE YOU CAN STICK WITH IT UNTIL IT BECOMES ENJOYABLE...
AND YOU'RE JUST NOT GOING TO DROP THE TITLE so mean telling me about all these interesting things to watch and not sharin the title (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)
TEN HOURS FOR THE DEMO ??? long as hell demo... OH BUT NO i love the games a lot !! ive followed the series for a while since. i do have that dragon ball/toriyama fanatic in me unfortunately even if i dont like toriyama himself ☠️☠️ i only really got to actually start one of the games last year when my bro got DQXI for me and ive been loving it so far (* ̄▽ ̄*)ミ|Ю
i've BEEN enjoying it so far !! i'm just about to start episode four tho i AM gonna lose my mind if this hospital arc goes on one more episode bro this half the series already ☠️
#snap chats#joking of course.... haha unless--#if this is the chara you mean then he seems like a nice fellow :) i trust his vibes already..... he seems like a chara i'd like...#OH BUT PRICELESS WAS SOOOO GOOD AND SO LOVELY TYSM AGAIN FOR RECCING IT... i hope you enjoy the rest of first penguin !!!!!#NO WORRIES BOUT RUSHIN IT fair nuff theres no deadline !!!! id rather you take your time and enjoy it on your own terms anyhow :)#but SPEEEAAKING of DQ im actually playing it rn LMAO. i only stopped last year cause i just had an awful exp with a boss#and then i got busy with Life but itd been bothering me that i just stopped so i finally decide to get back into it#the boss wasnt even that hard this time around... tho i think thats just cause i went in Prepared this time ☠️#i dont remember why my bro got me DQXI.. i think he was just using some gamestop deal he had and got himself something too..#NOOO UGH i dont know if its in the demo but the boss was arachtagon and he's who i thought of while making that ichi and masato comic LMAO#of course i couldnt reference that fight since.... that wasnt the DQ game of the time... but still we get the point i think...#nono i love dragon quest and playing it's something i'm happy i finally get to do#it definitely requires you to think a lot more and be more careful with what you do#i mean itd PRRROOBBBABLY be easier if i did sidequests but i have a terrible tendency to wanna finish the game first...#in any case. i am playing it while watching SP because i was thinking of the next part of the game and was stuck on it#and when i looked up where to go i was like 'no i already checked that spot' and i was just gonna leave it at that but now i cant stop#but i ALSO really wanted to watch SP today but fortunately i can multitask#not like i need to pay a LOT of attention to dq rn.. im just grinding. cause im broke ☠️#oh but im glad you enjoy the tag rambles :) i have too many thoughts for my own good#like how when i was at the game store i saw DQ treasures AND metroid dread AND the megaman battlenetwork collection..#i was fighting real demons that day not to empty my wallet....#luckily my bro was with me so i felt like him being there was a way to keep me in check. even if he prob wouldnt have opposed ( ̄▽ ̄;;)#IN ANY CASE. i have multiple medias to consume lest i let The Thoughts take over my brain again for even a second ٩(๑❛ᴗ❛๑)۶#inoue's chara is so funny like He's Super Human um doc... i think he's just autistic lowkey..... he still a baller regardless tho
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#im freaking out at the prospect that this may be the new normal for awhile#i never know when i get worse if its temporary or ive gotten long term chronically worse tm#i have absolutely no idea whats causing me to be so messed up tho#first was the physical pain hitting like a truck for some weeks but thats not that bad now? that got a bit better#now is just. bone deep exhaustion with 0 escape. for so many days almost in a row ill just feel like i need to randomly collapse and take#a very. very long sleep#i dont know if ive been this bad since i was on birth control years back#.#maybe it rly is just. months of stress and physical pain and slightly relapsing into bulimia and just. s t r e s s#hitting me all at once#lmao i have no idea how im going to get through life like this. im back again at that point where i wish i could just conveniently die
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my roots have grown more than they've ever showed in like.. 3 years. little side pieces of my hair are entirely brown.. it feels like touching a baby animal
#the reason i haven't had my natural hair back is because i dont know how i look with it anymore#the person i was then is so different than now..#i will at some point tho. go back. dont know when. it will have to be a time of great change and importance#everyone assumes my hair is super dark bc of the contrast with the blonde but if you really look its just a nice shade of brown#though if i make it dark again.. i may do black hair.. i did that when i was 16 but i feel like i didnt do it justice#lots of hair talk this 3 am morning#i just cracked my arm reallyy nicely
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i never spoke or understood a target language better than when i was unemployed and just spent hours bingeing tv in that language
#closest substitute for listening to actual conversations#i know podcasts exist but the tv allowed additional context for the words making it much easier to understand#i will never have that amount of free time in my life tho so i will never learn the target language#also i lowkey gave up on it bc i wanted to learn it to speak with my beloved great aunt who had nobody left to speal her mother tongue with#but she died two years ago shortly after i moced home 💔#and i wasnt confident in it enough to speak to her and she was already sick and in the hospital when i got back :(#anyway i COULD go to canada for some exposure to the language but its silly and pointless now#plus i have a new job#i started learning spanish instead but i have no more motivation and now my duolingo owl is dying of neglect like a neopet#i feel like i have a stronger base in french to try again but there's no point bc french is basically a useless language tbh#like i saw a few job postings looking for people fluent in french and english where i live but i cant imagine they use it much#anyway i dont want to answer phones for a living#and with nobody to talk to my french will never be that good#anyway rip duo owl im sorry#i will try to do some lessons but i will never be fluent in anythinggg 🥲#american school system die by my sword#why do they not start teaching languages until the neuroplastisicty of childhood is gone.....#only people in actual bilingual families or rich people who pay for tutoring or additional classes get to learn a second language?#unless you're naturally gufted at languages#which i am not#its sooo embarrassing#this has been a shitpost
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i find it so interesting how mice from a petstore will always be awake during the day and sleeping at night until they're left to acclimate and make their own schedule.
#there are no breeders in new england north of new york so I have to go to a petstore#thankfully tho the two i go to seem to somewhat provide for their mice. like#i havent gotten a pregnant female which tells me they separate them by sex properly#none of them have been sick right from the petstore either.#none of them have injuries from stress fighting#and they actually throw in a few toys for them to play with.#it isnt great by any means but it's way better than it could be. it's better than some mice from breeders are.#ive seen people talking about how their mice are sick the day they got them from the breeder/died right after/have no socialization at all#all my mice except for EXACTLY two (out of 12 mice I've had now.) have been socialized and liked to be held right out of the carrier box.#a lot of them chose to stay on me instead of going into their new tanks.#but no anyway no longer getting side tracked; you'd think mice from a petstore would sleep#during the day and be awake all night long bc that's when no one would be at the store to watch them#and they wouldnt have bright fluorescent lights#but it's the exact opposite. theyre wide awake all day long. They don't even go into their house until it becomes night time#and ig you could say it's bc they're exploring their new enriched environment with all the new smells#and houses and toys and foods#but#i think it has more to do with their time at the petstore. even tho the petstores put the mice and rats out back way out of view#to the point i got lost my first time in there and had to ask for help#it's like they dont even really know how to be mice yet#and given the fact all my girlies were babies when I got them (super tiny) they're just doing what they've done their entire lives
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#cant sleep...#feels weird that its been 10 years now. shes been gone for so long now but i remember it so well#the pains like a phantom pain tho. i can remember her without crying (tho i am now lol) and not all the memories hurt#but the pain isnt always detatched from the memories. that part of my childhood where she was always there feels......idk how to describe it#im always aware that its gone and sometimes i can live with the reality of it and appreciate my friendship with her#but sometimes the hurt comes back so forcefully and so painfully i want to scream and scream#and sometimes it feels like i am but i was just dissociated for a few hours#my family is still.....unsure of how to act when i exhibit pain about this. idk if its from guilt that they didnt help me initially or...#is it annoyance that this still affects me...maybe both. guess they cant get how my friends suicide when we were in high school would hurt#whether they feel guilty for how they didnt help it doesnt really matter ig bc i know they wont apologize no matter how much id like them to#idk what to do about it tho. i dont think i can just get over that at this point i mean ive waited 10 years#if anyone has advice dm me ig but dont tell me to let it go bc i just cant#ive made my peace with any culpability i have in her death and if her spirit harbors anger with me then thats fine#her family doesnt and has never seemed upset with me so i have no reason to be thinking it but idk. i just couldve done more#but whats done is done and dwelling on what couldve been is a bad road to go on. esp at almost 3 am#i hope and wish for her to be at peace and everyone who loved her to find it if they havent yet#if anyone else has had to go through this too know you can talk to me esp if you dont have anyone else#i had really no one i could talk to about it without feeling like i was burdening everyone else who was in the same situation at the time#and i dont want anyone else to feel like that so. i hope everyones well#otherwise if that doesnt apply to you but you want to cheer me up send me some cute videos or memes or whatever#ive been trying to keep my mind off it for the most part since ive had to work and dont want to have a breakdown there lol#and i have to work tonight so that would be helpful#but anyway i think thats enough of my rambling and depressing thoughts#tw: death#tw: suicide
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Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s child
Tony Stark x child!reader
warnings: alcohol ment,
a/n: so i just really think that the concept of tony having the party kid as opposed to nerdy avenger kid would be a really cool idea to explore teehee. most of this does actually take place pre-avengers tho!!
prompt:
you we’re quite the exhausting kid
“is this really how it felt to raise me?” -tony
many of nights he’d find your bed empty, you’d snuck out to go have your fun as teenagers do
“yeah, boss, i imagine it was” -happy
you always showed back up in one piece (like him) and besides a little slap on the wrist you didn’t get much discipline
actually, it usually went like:
“so, where did you go off to last night?” -tony
“a party” -you
“really? didn’t want to loop me in before you snuck out…again?”
“last time i told you about a party you showed up!”
“uh—yeah, but it’s not like i went all dad on you and dragged you away or anything”
“yeah, you joined the party and offered to buy teenagers more booze”
“hey, they all loved you after that! and they couldn’t get enough of my classic dance moves” -tony, jokingly doing the sprinkler with one arm “but seriously, let me know next time”
“we’ll see about that” -you
^the above conversion went about the same every time
sometimes for entertainment purposes you’d try a little harder, throw a few pillows under the covers to make it look like you were still home to put a smile on tony’s face
“aw, y/n reminds me so much of me” -tony
tony was still partying at this point so you’d flip the script on him from time to time
“you were out late” -you
“what are you, a cop? leave me alone. actually, can you get me some aspirin and water?” -tony
“sure, one or two” -you
“make it three” -tony
he would nurse your occasional hangovers (what a great dad!)
okay, he didn’t always know when you were gone. he was busy a lot of the time with his own business and extracurriculars so you guys did just kinda do your own thing for certain stretches of time
honestly you could be a bit of a klepto in the best of ways
but only to tony and only for fun
“oh, great, where’s my car?” -tony
“which one?” -pepper
“the black one!” -tony
“be more specific” -pepper
“the only one missing from my garage!” -tony
“yeah, i know, just wanted to give you some more time to think about it” -pepper
“i changed the code on the lockbox like, five times this week. did they hotwire it?” -tony
“we are talking about your kid, right? pretty sure they just hacked it” -pepper
“i am…so proud” -tony
you MAY have gotten a few close calls with authorities, but nothing tony couldn’t handle
and up until tony’s accident, the phrase “you’re going to give me a heart attack” was silly and endearing
“you might actually give me a heart attack, y/n, give a guy some warning or just say please for god’s sake” -tony, now comes with an arc reactor in his chest
“sorry” -you
“what—huh—didn’t hear ya, wanna say that a little louder?” -tony, very sarcastically
i tell ya when he got that armor u couldn’t tell if u were gonna flip out at him or invite him to a party
or steal it for…you didn’t even know what
but tony was 3 steps ahead of you when all this came to be
and you weren’t very interested in weapons, still just parties and dumb fun for you
“dad, i dont wanna be a nerd, will you just let me go out?” -you
“come on! just help me in the lab a few hours, what’s it gonna hurt?” -tony
“my social status” -you
“might i remind you you’re a stark? i think you’ll live if you miss one party” -tony
“you’d be surprised” -you
“hey, i almost died! give your old man a break” -tony
once tony got involved with SHIELD and the avengers he got even busier really
and in came the parenting advice from fury, clint, nat, steve
“hey, i don’t see you raising a teenager, back off” -tony
*clint side eye*
steve once tried to give you a good talking to, but you reminded him a great bit of your father with your stubbornness
“you done? i dont think you should be giving out any parenting tips fresh off the ice” -you
tony was kind of proud of you for sticking to your guns
especially around such powerful people
but you had a knack for that and could do it to practically anyone
mostly because you felt like an invincible teenager since you were raised by tony, who also thought himself an invincible teenager at one point
u tried to tone down giving tony grief when he started having panic attacks
since u accidentally caused a few by pushing boundaries and staying out for several nights in a row
cuz as tony gained more enemies, he thought you’d be in more danger
which was true
“happy, you’re y/n’s personal bodyguard” -tony
“no!” -you
“uh, cool? any fun parties planned tonight? i’ll be the designated driver. god knows i’ve been tony’s too many times” -happy
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